When I was 9, we moved to Wheatland, Wyoming, so Mom could remarry. The man I call my dad (not to be confused with my father, who is someone very different — any man can be a father; it takes someone pretty damn special to be a dad, especially in my mind and life) scared the glitter out of me, though I don’t know that he knows that (well, until he reads this; I’m sure Mom will point it out to him). That passed by the time I was an angry, sullen, parent-scorning teenager, and disappeared completely when I grew up.

Dad has always, in my mind, been a part of one band or another. Mostly, the bands play country of one sort or another. His biggest love, though, I think, has always been Outlaw Country. For those who don’t know, outlaw country is best characterized by strong, throbbing bass lines and bright, twangy steel guitar. Sure, there are lead guitar, drums and other instruments, usually fronted by strong vocals, usually with a southern drawl to them. Some of the best examples of these are Waylon Jennings, David Allan Coe, Hank Williams, Jr., and Willie Nelson. Even when he wasn’t playing, there was usually music playing in our house, most likely Dad’s outlaw country.

Needless to say, at the time, I hated it. Did everything I could to avoid it. Now, 25 years later, I can’t get enough of it. It’s one of my comfort sounds. It means “home” to me. Safety. Happiness. It’s where my parents live.

About a year or two ago, I started gigging Dad to make me a CD (or 30) of his quintessential music. Every couple of months, I’d ask Mom if he was working on it. See, Dad’s gonna be 72 this year, and he’s got a LOT (and by a lot, I mean OMG WHOA) of vinyl. He’s also got a KILLER stereo system that allows him to record from his vinyl to CD. It would be a crime to lose all of that music for any reason.

A couple of weeks ago, he finally got a bug up his ass to work on it. Two days ago, I got the first installment: six CDs that he recorded for me (and Mom tells me that my siblings will get copies, too, so keep your panties on, kids). I get them first because, well, I asked for them first. And because I’m the oldest, and the parents, they love me best.

The first installment. I’m giddy ridiculously happy about the next installment or twelve. I’ve got 83 songs right now that I’m slowly working my way through on my walk to and from school. I have two David Allan Coe CDs (Once Upon a Rhyme and The Mysterious Rhinestone Cowboy) and a Waylon Jennings CD (Honky Tonk Heroes), as well as two mix CDs that he put together and a CD of a performance of a band that he played in, from a bar in Baton Rouge in 1976.

Y’all, I can’t put to words the awesomeness of this. It’s… beyond amazing.

Thanks, Dad. You have no idea what these mean to me.

From Kristen’s LJ, because she said it much better than I could:

I am not sure how many of you are on David’s friends list, or on Seth’s, and I am not sure how many of you read David’s post yesterday. If you didn’t, forgive me for the “inside” talk – let me get you up to speed. David and Seth are dear friends who live on a farm they call “Turkey’s Rest” in Virginia. You’ve seen David’s comments on my journal. David and Seth are amazing people. The love they have for one another is the most powerful thing I have ever seen, and the life they have built together is one I would like to have for myself one day. I am so grateful to know these men, and to count them as friends.

Seth broke his ankle, and in a series of medical problems, developed pneumonia. He is currently in the ICU of a hospital which is an hour away from their home. David is with him almost around the clock, and is having to make arrangements for the animals at their home, make decisions about Seth’s care, deal with Seth’s mother, worry about their jobs, and deal with the fear that comes with Seth being in the ICU. He’s overwhelmed and exhausted, and there is very little any of us can do to alleviate that. We are too far away, and airline tickets and hotels rooms are luxuries we aren’t in a position to afford right now.

I don’t know about you, but this helpless feeling is about to choke me. I want so badly to get on a plane – take care of the dogs and the chickens, write the thank-you notes, provide updates, make David sleep, make sure he eats well, and for crying out loud, fix that goddamned floor that started all this mess. And I find myself looking at my bank account and my obligations here and being outraged that I was not born into wealth and a life of leisure.

But there is something I can do. There is something we can ALL do. We can come together on these wires known as the internet and we can MAKE SOME NOISE.

---

Now, I have two pretty firm policies when it comes to this journal. I don’t ask for money: I don’t fundraise, I don’t solicit for myself or others. It’s just a personal thing – I don’t judge anyone else who does. It’s just one of those things. The other is that I don’t give out my address. Safety issues.

I am breaking both of those policies today.

Today is the first day of Team Turkey.

We can’t fly to Virginia, and we can’t magically make Seth well, but we can damned sure throw money at the problem. And we can do it now, before it’s needed.

Here is what I propose: I have set up a separate, interest-bearing savings account with my bank. I have set up a PayPal site called “For David and Seth”. I will collect as much money as we can raise, and we will let it sit until it’s needed.

It may not be needed, in which case we will figure out what to do. Maybe we can pay to have that floor repaired, maybe we can start the LJ Fund we’ve been kicking around. If that’s the case, certainly we can arrange to return the money to those who request it.

It doesn’t have to be much. $5 from 100 people would buy a lot of gasoline for David to make that hospital trip. Food to be delivered once Seth is home and recovering. Someone to make sure Spike and Kojak are walked and fed. Someone to take care of those chickens.

We have thousands of birds up on these wires. If each of us gives at least $5, we could actually DO something here.

If you feel up to donating, please do so.

Today, the freak-out about next Wednesday started.

I know that this is a good thing for me. Really, honestly, I do. However, it’s also one of the scariest fucking things I’ve ever dealt with.

We live in an insanely shallow society. Years ago, a group of us on PernMUSH were chatting OOCly, and a very dear friend said something about, “God help you if you’ve got bad teeth.” My teeth had just started their downhill tumble, and it hurt me beyond words to see that on the screen. We had never met, she had no idea, and I didn’t let on that it hurt me. I’ve never told her, and it would mortify her to know that she hurt me that badly.

That statemnet, though, has been a big part of the change in my smile, my speaking mannerisms, my laughter. Nobody has ever flinched away from me because of my teeth, that I know of, but that doesn’t mean that I’m completely clueless to the fact that it happens, and I know that it gets discussed behind my back. Very few people in my life have ever asked about it. And I know that, to a lot of people, it just doesn’t matter.

But it matters to me.

I’ve got three months of recovery time with this: two months of just healing and another four-week process to get the dentures. I keep saying that I’m going to be a shut-in for the next three months, and people keep saying that I don’t have to. It’s not that I think I have to; it’s that I don’t want anyone to see me like this. I’m not doing this because of society, necessarily. I’m mostly doing it for my own peace of mind. I don’t know what this recovery time is going to be like. I don’t know how it’s going to change my speech patterns or my ability to eat or drink, although the speech and eating have both been affected already.

I’ll be going to school four days a week the whole time I’m doing this. I’ve already talked to three of my teachers, and they’re supportive. Two of my classes have presentations due in them. One of those teachers said, “Well, we’ll get to see how great your PowerPoint skills are and how fast we can read.” I’m going to end up doing three presentations in that class that look like Surviving the World, and that makes me happy.

The other class that requires participation is going to be more difficult. I’m one of the people who lets his opinion be known in there (well, in general, but really in there). We’ve got a group project due by the end of the class. I’m hoping I’ll be able to convince my groupmates to do the talking, and I’ll do the behind-the-scenes computer stuff, like typing everything and the PowerPoint stuff.

I’m just a little… unbalanced by all this. And I’m starting to react badly to it. I don’t want that to happen, but I’m not in a good headspace about it. I’ve worked so damn hard to keep myself positive about it and to find good things about this (I’ll be losing a TON of weight, I’ll be able to eat a crapload of ice cream and not feel guilty, no more fear of rotting my teeth out!), and I know that this bad space will pass; I’m a little entitled to this freak-out.

I’m scared as fuck.

This wouldn’t hurt, though…

My Mondays this quarter start at noon and go until 9:30. Not a terrible day, but I’ve got a lot of downtime between classes.

My first class is Principles of Business. It’s going to be, I fear, a test more of me than of my business knowledge (or, more accurately, my lack thereof). The first challenge is that it’s a Flex course, which means that it’s only an 8-week course, instead of the regular 11-week course. It’s going to be PACKED with information and work. The second challenge is that I’m the only person in the class who’s not of-color. There are 12 people and the instructor in the classroom. There’s one woman from China. There’s me. And there are 10 students and one instructor who are African-American. There’s a very large cultural divide there that’s going to be an interesting dynamic. Sure, I live in the ghetto, but that doesn’t make me black. I’m apprehensive that they look at me and see “privileged white boy” instead of “pulling myself out of where I came from.” The instructor is, by the way, friggin’ AWESOME. She made it very clear that there will be no disrespecting of anyone for anything in the class and that the door is right there if you can’t handle that. Should be fun ride.

Then I had three hours off. Oh my god, I was bored. I did some spinning in various buildings and spent some time on the computers in the library and in one of the labs. When I have my PowerPoint book, that will help; I’ll be able to do homework.

My Access class was my second and final class for the day. If anyone saw my Facebook update, there’s one woman, somewhere in her mid-ish 50s who will be a test of will for one of us not to punch her in the throat. She couldn’t do anything in this class without — loudly — second-guessing herself. It was a constant stream of “Do I click now? How about now? Is this where I click? I don’t even have a computer at home. Can I click? Here?” Good lord. I think a couple of my classmates have convinced her to drop the class and switch it for CIT 100 — Computer Literacy. She’s… challenging.

I’m exhausted. It was a good day. Tomorrow is my long day: 9am to 9:30pm. I will be dragging ass by the end of it. Wish me big luck. Text me things to make me happy during the day. I’ll need them.

From the Columbus Pride Survey

Parade/March

What was your overall impression of the Parade/March?
It was more-or-less the same stuff as every year, and every year it’s a decent parade. I HATED that the protesters joined in at the end of the parade; we didn’t go tromping through the Republican convention, did we? No; but that’s not something that you can control, I think.

How can we improve the Parade/March next Year?
Don’t let anyone force you into censoring anyone else’s floats or entries.

If there was a float building workshop would you attend?
Maybe

Pride Festival
Did you enjoy the Festival?
Mostly.

How can we improve the Festival next year?
Stroller parking. God, I got sick of being bumped into by someone with a fucking SUV stroller and then being made to feel like I was the one who was inconveniencing them. Those sidewalks are narrow. Possibly invite some more local artists to showcase themselves. There are approximately one billion queer artists in this city. Give them the chance to shine.

Do you understand why it is important to pay an admission at the gate of the festival? Do you have any suggestions for the admission donations?
I understand that it costs a lot of money to put on the festival, yes. I think that the “suggested donation” was a bit high for what we got. Hell, even San Francisco’s Pride is only $5 (I think; that’s what it was a few years ago) and it covers a HUGE chunk of downtown SF.

What did you think of the Entertainment for Pride?
It feels like there’s always the same lesbian-with-a-guitar musical act. I LOVED seeing Coyote Grace and Jeffrey Altergott on the main stage (Jeff was at Pride last year, but shoved off to the middle of nowhere in the Gazebo). Can we maybe have a few acts that aren’t folksy-types? And some local bands?

Would you be willing to contribute to a fund to pay for a special entertainer for the 30th Anniversary of Columbus Pride in 2011?
No

Family and Teen Areas
Did you or a member of your household participate in/use the Family Area at Pride?
No
If so, what did you think of the Family Area of the festival and how can we improve it?

Did you or a member of your household participate in/use the Slam Jam Teen Stage at Pride?
No
If so, what did you think of the Slam Jam Teen Stage and how can we improve it?

Additional Pride Month Events
These are the events that happened during June other then on June 18th and 19th.
Did you attend/participate in any of other Pride Month Events during June 2010?
No
What did you think of the lineup of additional Pride Month events?
I didn’t know that there were any, to be honest.

Additional Comments
Please provide any additional comments about Columbus Pride
I absolutely hated the theme. “Celebrate Our Families” would be a fantastic theme, if it didn’t make people think that gay pride would have ended up being a Disney parade, because people seem to think that “family” is code for “children”. I’ve heard so very much backlash against the Exile float, and so very little is being said about the fact that all families are diverse. I like seeing the different segments of our very diverse community coming together; I loathe like hell that some people seem to think that if we’re not all acting heteronormative that we’re awful people. My family is (currently) two men, but we’re also dating a third. I saw nothing in regards to the poly community. Granted, I wasn’t looking all that hard, but there was nothing there that I saw. And a large part of our community is poly.

Reach out to other parts of our community. Don’t just go for the bars and the churches and the “family-friendly” groups. There’s a HUGE pagan community in Columbus, including the oldest gay men’s pagan circle in Ohio. We were part of Pride a few years ago, but then it felt like we got brushed aside. I heard nothing at all in regards to an interfaith service this year.

On July 14 at 5:00pm, I’ll be having what’s left of my teeth pulled.

For those of you who know, this isn’t much of a shocker. For those of you who haven’t seen me recently (or ever), my family has a history of very weak enamel. Not having insurance or money to pay a dentist has left my mouth … well, pretty horrific, to be perfectly honest.

Today is the first time I’ve been to a dentist since 2002. It was pushed on me by having the last full tooth I had in the top of my mouth break while out with friends on Thursday. So, with newly added dental insurance, we called to find a dentist who could see me.

I’ve never had a more comfortable experience in a dentist’s office ever. Dr. Matt was awesome. Everyone in his office was awesome. He did a free consult that included two X-rays, which they threw in at no cost to me. His front-end manager worked up a price for me, and it was… shockingly small. My out-of-pocket cost will be about $1400, which includes our deductible.

On the 14th, Dr. Tammi (Dr. Matt’s wife) will be doing the extractions. I have a six to eight week recovery time before I have a series of three different appointments to fit me for full dentures, both top and bottom.

It will take some adjustments. For the next three to four months, I’ll only be able to eat soft foods and soups and a few other things that I can adapt to my circumstances. I’ve got a mouth-rinse that I have to use twice a day.

I hate that I’m going through this. I hate that at 37, I’ll have full dentures. I hate that for the next three to four months, I’ll basically be an anti-social shut-in, leaving only for school and for Between the Worlds.

What I love is that I have a partner who is willing to deal with me while I go through this; that I have a dentist who is amazing and comfortable and is willing to work with me; that I’ll have the support of family and friends while I am dealing with this. This is something I need to do for me. I miss my smile, more than I can express with words.

And hey, if they let me choose what my smile will look like? It’s gonna be Jeffrey Dean Morgan’s smile.

Please, I’m begging you, MOVE. Get the hell out of that pit. Let them secede.

This latest little outrageous socio-political retardation from the TXGOP is just another reason that those bigots need to GO. Forever. This is not even remotely okay.

From this CNN.com article:

Andrew Pugno, a lawyer for Protect Marriage, the group that came up with Proposition 8, said he believed the issue was over when Californians went to the polls.

“Seven million Californians voted to preserve or restore what marriage has meant since the beginning of time,” he said. “If they’re not permitted to do something as basic as that, then there’s something, really something, wrong with our system.”

The beginning of time? REALLY, you raging hypocritical retarded douchebag? REALLY??? The beginning of time.

Andrew… Darling dear crack-addled Rhesus monkey that you are, did you really think that statement through before you opened up your pie-hole? I know nothing of your religion. I do, however, know that your fucking asshole douchebag employers, this so-called “Protect Marriage” bullshit, is a band of Mormons. Yes, do please tell me how their little petulant assholery, all started because the laws of the United States say that you can only be married to one person at a time, is not part of “from the beginning of time.” Was Joseph Smith, the founder and “prophet” of the Mormon church pulled out of time when he had 44 wives? How about Brigham Young and his 55 wives? Look into the back stories of these paragons of marriage fidelity; I fucking DARE you. Many of their wives were still married to other fucking people when they married them.

Shockingly, but really not so much, the morons have shown themselves to be stupid yet again.

Beginning of time, my hairy white homo ass. Fuck you, you raging douche.

I can’t put into words how flabbergasted I am by this. Never once since I started earning grades have I ever had a 4.0 GPA. This just floors me. It also makes me incredibly proud. I busted my ass this quarter.

Business Math – A
Business Grammar – A
Office Procedures I – A
Intro to Keyboarding – A
Word Module 1 – A
Word Module 2 – A
Excel Module 1 – A
Excel Module 2 – A
Desktop & Doc Mgmt – A

Term Earned Credits – 19
Total Earned Credits – 76 (transfer credits from last time through college)
GPA – 4.0

Next quarter’s only gonna be worse. I’ve got the same credit load (19), but I’ve got a couple of classes – Bookkeeping Basics and Principles of Business – that are going to be my toughies. I know that Bookkeeping will have math in it, but it’s focused, specialized math that will (hopefully) make sense in context.

Another big change in my classes next quarter is that all but one of my classes is going to be on campus. I’ve got a ton of free time between classes, but that’ll give me time to do my homework. I’m hoping to repeat myself with a 4.0 next quarter, too. If I do, I’ll end up in the honor society.

I know that I can totally do this. I am totally doing this.

Is it wrong that I’m very tired of the “family friendly” attitude that seems to be invading everywhere? This year’s Columbus Pride theme is “Celebrate Our Families” and while that’s a very benign, made-to-be-inclusive type of theme, it feels a little, well, heteronormative (and as a quick aside because I’ve heard some ass-chappery about it, I don’t care if you don’t like the word; it’s my blog, and it’s a more valid word than metrosexual will ever be).

Families are all well and good, don’t get me wrong. I love most of my biological family. I’m tired, though, of the nuclear family being the end-all-be-all of society’s existence. My chosen family doesn’t include very many children, if any. I feel like I’m being somewhat discriminated against at Pride if I wear my “Today is my Casual Sex Day” t-shirt because OMG THINK OF THE CHILDRUNZ!!!11!1!!! And why can’t they know what casual sex is, and why can’t they know that OMG grown-ups do that!

I understand that there are a lot of gay families with children, but if those of us who don’t have children have to accept and respect those who do, then those with children need to accept those who don’t and give us that same respect. If we’re supposed to “Celebrate Diversity!” as the bumper sticker shouts at us, well, doesn’t that include all diversity, not just the diversity that the PC-Nazis force on us?