Winter is gone.  Welcome to Spring!

I know what you’re saying.  Jeremy, you’re on teh purple sparkly crax!  Nay, gentle reader, this is something on which I’ve been ruminating (my brain is gone; I almost typed ‘masticating’) for quite some time.

It started two years ago this summer.  June 21st hit and, lo and behold, everyone was all, “YAY, the first day of Summer!”  But then I had a ritual that night.  A ritual of Midsummer.  How can it be the first day of Summer when it’s also Midsummer?  As I was thinking about it, I remembered hearing December 21st also referred to as Midwinter.  Again, how is this right?  Therein lies the discrepancy, and that leads to my theory in regards to the bastardization of the seasons.

My thoughts on it are that the high point of the seasons actually occur on the Solstices and Equinoxes.  Ostara, Litha, Mabon and Yule are the midpoints.  The actual beginnings of the seasons, Imbolc, Beltane, Lammas and Samhain, occur roughly midway between the Solstices and Equinoxes.

It’s still a theory-in-progress, but it’s my theory.  I doubt it’ll ever come to fruition that everyone in the world (well, in the northern hemisphere, anyway) regards Ostara as the middle of Spring or Mabon as the middle of Autumn, but this is where I’m at with my mindset.  Welcome to my thought processes.  It’s scary in this head, I swear.

A year or two ago, a good friend of mine and a respected person in the pagan community whose opinion I value greatly expressed his surprise that, while I was knowledgeable in a large part of my personal spiritual practice and comfortable in the skills and knowledge I possess, I’m not as strong in some of what he considers the basics of Craft. That surprised me as well, and I’ve been considering those words since then, and trying to find a way to get where I need to be.

So I’m heading back to the basics. I’ve got three books that I’m going to start going through at first, and possibly add more later. I have to read before I go to bed, so instead of the fiction I usually read, I’m alternating between Ellen Dugan‘s 7 Days of Magic, Christopher Penczak‘s Inner Temple of Witchcraft, and T. Thorn Coyle‘s Evolutionary Witchcraft.

My plan at this point is to read a daily chapter in 7 Days of Witchcraft (which will be good for a couple of weeks if I read it a couple of times and hopefully get a copy of my own), and to alternate chapters of Inner Temple and Evolutionary Witchcraft. I plan on running the meditational CDs accompanying Inner Temple as well.

I’m also doing some things to re-stabilize my emotional state. I’ve noticed since I got back from PantheaCon that I’ve gotten very angry at almost nothing. Most of what I’ve gotten angry at have been at attitudes more than people: hypocrisy, lack of deductive reasoning, over-entitledness, irresponsibility. These things have been around a lot, but they’re just really getting to me lately, and I’ve been lashing out when I really shouldn’t. I’m hoping that establishing a regular meditation, and possibly ritual, schedule will help. I’d really rather not go see a therapist and end up on medication to control it, since I think that, for me, medication would be a very last resort that tells me that I can’t control myself, and I don’t want that kind of crutch in my life. It works for a lot of people, and I’m not discounting that solution for them. I don’t want that last-ditch solution for me, because I’m scared to death that it’ll fundamentally change who I am.

I’m generally surprised and kind of happy that I’ve been writing as much as I have. My posts on here (GMSS) have been longer and more thought out. I’ve been trying to get things out of my head and into metaphysical and cyber space to be absorbed. I’m going to make this last. I just got myself a new MP3 player (in pink; I know, you’re shocked) and while it’s only a 1GB player, I’m not using it for the music. I’m using it as a voice recorder to keep mental notes for my writing when I’m not near a computer, like when I’m on the bus or walking to work. It’ll come in handy during festivals in the wilderness, because it’s not rechargeable; it runs on a single AAA battery. It also has an FM tuner, something my iPod (also pink — shush. Pink is my signature color) doesn’t have. So far, the little bug has worked out very well. I’m happy with it. It’s already got a couple of vocal notes on it for future posts.

I’m also hoping that, sometime soon, I’ll be able to connect with some people who mean a lot in my life but I’ve been unable to connect with on the levels I’d like. I’m hoping to get further into my studies and my interpersonal relationships, because there are times when I’m surprised that people like me at all. I’m a good person, and I’ve got a lot of good qualities, but when it comes to my bad side… hoo boy, is it bad. And it saddens me deeply that more people don’t see the non-bitchy side that I have. Trying to break down that barrier is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. Like quantum physics, we all act and react the way the observer expects us to act and react. I know I’ve said it before, but bear with me. I’m a work in progress, and the work is going to take a long time.

Brightest blessings, y’all.

I should be asleep. My mind is whirling far too much for that right now, though.

I am, by turns, a great friend and a shitty friend. I’ve been trying harder to listen better when a friend needs to talk, and try not to be all ME ME ME when I’m around people. I’m not sure how I’m doing on the ‘be less bitchy’ front, though I can tell at times that I’m doing better and then turn around and ruin it all with one unthoughtful comment.

This weekend, I had the opportunity to see and reconnect with many people I consider friends. Some of the friendships have been strained by many varying forces, and I’m trying to work my way through them. It’s very hard to be friends with two people who went through a long, strong relationship and then ended that relationship. I have several people in that condition. I’m trying to work through all of them, too. It’s not easy. Bear with me.

I also missed the chance to see a couple of friends who I wanted to see and just couldn’t find the time to do so, and that really makes me disappointed in myself. There are also a couple of people here in Columbus who I’d like to get to know better and on different levels and I haven’t been doing so, again disappointing myself.

I’m not exactly sure where this is going, however.

I’m a little dizzy after this weekend at PantheaCon. I connected with different paths with which I never thought I’d connect. I saw two friends step onto a different path that I don’t think either of them expected. I felt some amazing energy from some amazing people, and they let me touch their space. I met two more authors (T. Thorn Coyle and Ellen Dugan) who are amazing, strong, fantastic women and great authors who, though very different women and very different paths, were very brightly shining stars in my weekend.

There was a lot of BRIGHT energy. Storm. Christopher. Orion. Julian. Amara.

Then there was the quiet strength of the people around me. Chas. Philip. Steve. Valerie Walker (holy CRAP, that woman puts on one FUCK of an amazing ritual. Doubly so when you consider she’s in her seventies. Lady Bright…).

And not the least of all, my husband. He was always there, always supportive, even when he got hammered down to nothing by a sudden fever and a bad case of Con Crud. I love you, baby.

I’m glad to be home. I missed my puppy, who seems to have gotten bigger while we were gone. I missed my own space. I have a head full of stuff that needs to be worked on: at least one new altar, at least one new ritual, a couple of new spiritual practices, a couple of articles and/or workshops for gatherings. Somewhere in the middle of all of this, I became aware that I’m ready to start on my road to my Third Degree. I’ve had eight months to dick around, and it’s time to get back in the saddle.

My world is in a tizzy right now. Hopefully, I’ll un-tizzy it. But damn, what a freakin’ great ride.

Jenn, Heather, lunch sometime soon? Separately, probably, since you don’t know each other well, or together so you can fix that?

Brightest blessings, y’all.

March 9 is my 35th birthday. What shall I do for my 36th trip around the Sun? I prefer to do this at my birthday rather than at New Year’s, because it means more for me. Because, really? No presents at New Year’s. Just drunk people. (more…)